Only an Ocean
by tomboyqueen48
Summary: Rachel wants her life back. Ross wants Rachel back. Will their paths ever collide? RossRachel Please R&R! CHAP3 UP!
1. Can't Go Back

This fic takes place about a month after the Season 10 finale, and Rachel didn't get off the plane, so she now lives in Paris.

**Disclaimer-** I don't own much besides a Stratocaster, a whole lot of CD's, and the computer I'm typing this on. So I definitely don't own Friends- that would be Bright, Kauffman, and Crane. I don't own this song either, it's Michelle Branch's, but I can play it on the guitar!!!

**Chapter 1- Can't Go Back**

Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to  
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away  
To a place where I am blinded by the light  
But it's not right

-Michelle Branch, Goodbye to You

Another sob escaped Rachel, shaking her body as she pressed her forehead against the cool glass of the window she was gazing out of, at the lights of the city she had one dreamed about. That seemed like a hundred years ago. Now Rachel dreamed of being where she had been before this. Her home.

"Ross…" she whispered into the darkness, another flood of tears running down her already tear soaked face. Rachel knew she had done one of the worst possible things ever to do, even worse than leaving Barry at the altar years ago. She had walked completely away from the one man she would actually consider spending the rest of her life with, and now she was halfway across the world from him, and now there was no way he would ever accept her again. Rachel had done a completely cold-hearted thing to Ross, the one person she never wanted to hurt. She ran away when he poured out his soul, his life to her, and what did she do? She crushed it, probably for good. And why? Only because she was too afraid of herself. She knew she loved him more than words could describe, but she was just too scared of destroying herself with the sheer power of her love that she kept it all inside. And now all she was doing was destroying herself, worse than she ever could if she had stayed. Rachel banged her head on the glass, knowing that her heart was completely dead, feeling like she had been stabbed multiple times in her chest. Ross was the main point of her life before. Now she didn't have anyone or anything at all. She was completely alone, and for the first time, she didn't have a best friend, a boyfriend, or a parent to help her. She was dead inside. What was left for her?

Crying like this, it wasn't a new thing to her, she had done it every night since her arrival in Paris. It had been bad, but never like this. Rachel was terrified of what she was doing to herself, but she still felt herself slipping into the sea of agony that was all caused by her own fear. Rachel was lost, and had no idea what to do. How could Ross forgive her? How could she forgive herself?

**Author's Note**- Sorry it's so short, and there's barely any action, but I just had to get everything set up. Poor Rachel lol! Don't worry she doesn't die though!!  Next chapter- what happened to Ross? How does he feel now? COMING SOON!! Please review!!!

rock on,

vanessa b.


	2. Missing

Sooooo sorry I didn't update for so long, but I had 3 finals, a term paper, and tons of homework to do! It's probably going to be a while (like a week) before I update again, because I have MORE finals, but next weekend I might be able to update again!!! I also tried to make this chapter longer than the last one… it was really short!! :) Thank you so much for your reviews! They really made me want to write this chapter more! Thanks & keep reviewing please!! Here's Chapter 2- it's about how Ross is doing without Rachel not very well and what he will do about it! Just for this story, he lives in the same building as Chandler and Monica, and he lives with Joey. Enjoy!!

**Disclaimer-** I don't own much besides a Stratocaster, a whole lot of CD's, and the computer I'm typing this on. So I definitely don't own Friends- that would be Bright, Kauffman, and Crane. I don't own this song either, it's Michelle Branch's, but I can play it on the guitar!!!

**Chapter 2- Missing**

Maybe I'd be better on my own  
No one ever seems to understand me  
It's easier for me to be alone  
But there's still a piece of me that feels so empty  
I've been all over the world  
I've seen a million different places  
But through the crowds and all the faces  
I'm still out there looking for you.

Where are you now?  
I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all  
What is the chance of finding you out there?  
Or do I have to wait forever?

**Michelle Branch, Where Are You Now?**

Just as Rachel had been looking out the window in Paris, Ross was doing the exact same thing in his small New York apartment across the Atlantic Ocean. Another tear escaped his eye, sliding down his face as he thought about he would never see Rachel again. Rachel… his heart… his whole life. And now she was gone. Just like _that_. Probably over in Paris having a great time speaking French with all her French friends, at her wonderful French job, probably with a hot French boyfriend, not even caring about him. Ross had tried to be mad at Rachel, to consider how awful what she had done to him was, but he couldn't let go of the feelings he had kept inside since he was 15… now he understood why he never had asked Rachel out in high school… because she would do what she was doing to him now…destroying him. Worse than torture, worse than anything else he could imagine. Ross laid his head against the window, watching the city below. He glared down at the people in taxis, scornfully thinking of how they were probably happy, on their way home to be with their loving family…

Ross' thoughts were interrupted as Joey walked in the apartment door, carrying two pizza boxes. Quickly brushing his tears away so his friends wouldn't see him crying, Ross stood up.

It didn't work.

Joey's gleeful expression at the prospect of sitting around, drinking beer, and eating pizza, quickly faded, and he frowned when he saw Ross' red, tear stained face.

"Dude, what's up?" Joey questioned, concerned for Ross. Ross shook his head, looking at his feet and stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets. "Come on; tell me, you know I can help you! I'm **Joey**!" Joey persisted. Ross mumbled something inaudible sounding distinctly like "no one can help", but Joey kept talking. "Oh my god, is it the pizza? Did I get the wrong kind? Sorry, but I don't really think that deserves crying, man!"

"Ugh, Joey! Gosh, of course it's not the pizza! What makes me do this _every single night_? Same thing again! It won't change, dude!" Ross finally exploded. Joey's face fell as he walked over to his friend, putting his hand on Ross' shoulder.

"Rachel…" Joey whispered softly, about to add more, but stopping at the look on Ross' face at the mention of Rachel's name. "Wow, Ross…you have to do something! You're destroying yourself!" Ross just shook his head, looking down at his feet again.

"Joey, there's nothing to do! She's gone. She doesn't love me. That's all there is to it. Guy meets girl. Guy loves girl. Guy tells girl. Girl runs away to another country. Girl never wants to see guy again. Guy is sad. Guy becomes old and bitter. Girl loves her new life. End of story. That's it, Joe, that's what happened. Now how would you change that?"

"Hmmm…" Joey thought. "Okay. One. That's _not _the story of you and Rachel. Your story had about a million more things to it. Two. That's not the story, so it doesn't end like that either. Three. Whatever happened to "love conquers everything" or whatever that crap is? Four. My pizza is getting cold!" Joey walked over to the bar, where he grabbed a slice of pizza out of the box, then walked back over towards Ross. Both men stood in silence as Joey ate, until, out of nowhere, Joey screamed out. "Ooooh! I got it! How about… we stuff you into a box, and ship you to France! Then when Rachel opens you, she'll love you all over again for shipping yourself to France!" Ross raised an eyebrow in shock of Joey's stupidity. "No? Okay! Got any more ideas?" Joey answered.

"Joe, that was crazy, but… nah, that wouldn't work, never mind," Ross replied.

"Dude, come on, what? It could work!" Joey prompted Ross.

"Aw, fine; no, it's stupid!" Ross continued. Seeing Joey's look he continued. "Fine, Joe. Okay. Your idea was a little, okay, a lot, weird. But; instead of shipping me in a bow, we could ship me in a plane like a normal civilized person!Then I could get to Paris, and find Rachel, and beg her to come back with me!"

Triumphantly, Joey exclaimed "Oh yeah! That's the perfect thing! I'll go find you a flight right now!"

Ross smiled for the first time in days. "Sorry, dude, but you better let me book the flight. Then I'll go tell Chandler and Monica! I want to leave as soon as possible! Thank you so much! I can't wait to see Rachel! Aaaaaaahhhh! I'm so excited!" With that, Ross ran to find his laptop.

A/N: Yay! Ross is happy! Not for long, though! Haha I'm so evil! :) lol just kidding! But…it's not that easy! Wouldn't it be boring if it was? What will Monica and Chandler say? And how is Rachel doing? Coming kind of soon! Yay this chappy was longer! Try to write more soon!

rock on,

v


	3. Why?

am sooo sorry it took me so long to update, so much has been going on, my computer crashed, I had exams, term papers……. So anyway, I finally updated! Here's Chapter 3! I'll try to make it a bit longer! Also, for this story, Marie, Rachel's assistant (and most of her other coworkers) can speak English, and I probably don't have the time zones right either, but oh well! **MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!!!! AND HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!**

Disclaimer: I still don't own any of Friends, and I don't own this song, Simple Plan does. But I'll try to learn it on my guitar! : )

**Chapter 3- Why?**

And I feel like  
I'm living the worst day  
Over and over again  
And I feel like the summer is leaving again  
I feel like  
I'm living the worst day  
I feel like you're gone  
And every day is the worst day ever

Yesterday was the worst day ever  
And tomorrow won't be better  
It's history repeating (on and on)  
Summer plans are gone forever  
I traded them in for dishpan water  
And every day is never ending  
I need to work I'm always spending

It's so long  
I can't go on  
It's so long  
I can't go on

-Simple Plan, The Worst Day Ever

"Rachel, your report is ready for you", Marie, Rachel's new assistant called out to her. Sighing, Rachel walked towards her desk to pick up the packet of papers. Scanning over it, her eyes widened as she saw how much she would have to do that day. Still in a bad mood from the night before, she threw the papers down on her desk and walked out of the room. Rachel didn't care how much her job paid, or where it was, if she couldn't have Ross with her. All she wanted was to go home, to hide in Ross' embrace, and cry. Why couldn't it be that easy? Now he would probably never want to hear from her again, she had been such a horrible person. Rachel didn't even think she deserved him anymore.

A tear slipped down on to the papers on Rachel's desk.

A tear slipped down on to the papers on Ross' desk.

Frowning, he shuffled the flight information he had gathered from his laptop. "What the hell", he muttered. "I don't care how much this costs, as long as I can see Rachel". At that exact moment, Chandler opened the door to the apartment.

"Dude, still talking to yourself about Rachel, sucks for you", Chandler joked as he walked in. Hiding the airline print outs, Ross replied apprehensively,

"What? I didn't say anything about Rachel! I said, um, races, yeah, I want to see a race!"

"Um, Ross? Get to know yourself, YOU DON'T LIKE RUNNING!" Chandler answered.

"Well, I have a new interest now, so there!" Said Ross as he waved the flight information he was holding in the air.

"Ahhh, yes, and what's this? Going to races in France now, are you? Running must be your new favorite thing! So I guess you won't mind if I go to the gym with you right now?"

"Um, gym? Now?" Ross asked.

"Of course, you know we never could quit!" Chandler pressured Ross.

"Fine, I'll go get ready!" Ross said as he left the room.

After about ten minutes at the gym, Ross was sure he would die. Running one more step would spilt his brain in half.

"So, Mr. Running, how do you feel now?" Chandler taunted him as he walked over.

"All right, fine, I can't run! Can we go now?" Ross pleaded.

"What were you really doing? What? What? You know you'll tell me!"

"No, if you be quiet, I'll tell you later!"

As the two men left, Chandler mumbled about his poor, neglected life continuing.

It was 10:00 at night when Rachel finally left work to go home. She was barley awake, and the drive was so long… Grabbing a water bottle from the office, Rachel headed out. She would stay awake… she would…

Only dinnertime in New York, Monica was setting the table at her apartment for the five friends, all of whom were coming over to eat. Apparently Ross had something to tell them. When everyone arrived, sitting down, Ross said that he had an announcement to make. As everyone waited anxiously, he took a deep breath and said, "I'm going to Paris tomorrow."

Joey, Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe all sat in shock. Monica was the first one to break the silence.

"No. Ross, don't, you gave her a chance, now you have to leave her alone. You can't do it.", she whispered to him gently. Chandler nodded.

"As your friend, we won't let you go.", he agreed.

The five ate in silence.

Sorry, not much action, but there will be next chapter, I promise! I probably will update sometime next week. Until then, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!! : )

rock on,

v


	4. Bright Lights

I am sooooo sorry I haven't updated in…..what? Two weeks? cringes Before I get into Chapter 4, I want to thank all my wonderful reviewers!!

**rachgreengeller **and** rnrlove: **Thank you so much for sticking with my story even though I don't update much!! You have reviewed all my chapters! Thanks!

**Theresa**: Don't worry... they'll support him, not just yet! You'll see… I have a plan! (well, sorta…)

**Iheartchicago,wink2003,Friendsrocks04,mrs.pitt, Emma**, and **Vosa: **thanks for your reviews too! They really make me keep writing this story…

Thanks everybody! I hope you're still interested in this fic……please keep reviewing it!

**Disclaimer:** Still don't own Friends, or this song…this time it's Green Day's!!

Oh yeah, and somehow it got all the way to November from summer in 3 chapters….o well, just go along with it. Also, I forgot to say that in this story, Emma was never even conceived, and Jack and Erica were never born either. Sorry if I said this before, but Monica and Chandler live in the apartment across from Joey (who is obviously not in LA) and Ross, who lives with Joey. And I know that airport security prohibits people who aren't actually getting on the plane to go to the gate, I do live in America. But for this fic, can we pleeease ignore that detail?? Thanks!

Now on with the way over due chapter 4:

Wherever you go

You know I'll be there

If you go far,

You know I'll be there

I'll go anywhere,

So I'll see you there

You place the name

You know I'll be there

You name the time

You know I'll be there

I'll go anywhere

So I'll see you there

I don't care if you don't mind

I'll be there not far behind

I will dare

Keep in mind

I'll be there for you

Where there's truth

You know I'll be there

Amongst the lies

You know I'll be there

I'll go anywhere

So I'll see you there

-Green Day, Poprocks & Coke

Completely stunned and even a bit enraged at his friends' reactions, Ross sat there with his mouth open; lasagna still dangling on his fork which was suspended in the air inches from his mouth. Finally, Monica broke the silence, with her eyes glimmering with tears. "Ross, can I talk to you outside for a second?" she asked gently, pointing to the balcony behind her. Ross nodded, getting up and slouching after her out to the biting wind of November in New York City. "Ross. I know what this must be like, just seeing her walk away like that. It's not easy on any of us. But Ross, if you go, you'll just want to stay. And Rachel won't let you, she started over. We have to accept that. She'll just break your heart again. You'll have no hope left at all, then we might loose you too…" Monica's voice caught as a tear dripped down her cheek. "I know how awful you must be feeling. She was like my sister. I lost her too, you know. We all did. We're gonna be here for you, Ross. For each other. And if you go, I won't be able to stand it. I'll have to come too, then she'll break both of our hearts when we can't say goodbye. Ross, this is the best for all of us."

"No, Monica, no. You DON'T know. You have no idea. You aren't in love with Rachel; you don't have the history with her! You'll never understand how this feels. Maybe if someone took all your friends, all your family, all your cleaning supplies, and all your cooking utensils away and locked them up forever, you would have a better idea of what it's like. But until you can imagine that, then no. You don't understand. Thanks, though." With that, Ross walked back inside, past his friends, and out the apartment door.

Back in his apartment, he angrily grabbed a suitcase, and threw some clean clothes and basic items like a toothbrush and toothpaste into it. He had no idea what his plan was when he got to Paris, but he could figure that out when he was on the flight. Sitting down at his Pottery Barn Apothecary Table, he grabbed a piece of paper and scribbled a quick note:

Monica, Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe:

I know you all said "don't go", but I have to. I don't have a choice. If I don't, I will drive myself crazy thinking "what if?" for the rest of my pathetic life. I promise I will call you as soon as I get to Paris. I won't leave you guys, if you think I am, come and drag me away. I'm sorry I'm leaving without a proper goodbye, but if I don't go now, you four will put a restraining order on me and I'll never be able to see her again. Monica, I'm sorry about before. Plus your lasagna was awesome! I can't wait to see you guys soon and to see Rachel. I know you don't think this is right, but I know it is. I'll keep in touch, I promise. Expect me back around the end of next week. Don't worry about me- I'll stay safe and I have enough money. Monica, don't tell Mom and Dad, I can sort this out on my own. I'll miss you all lots. Call you later.

Love,

Ross

Logging onto the internet, Ross bought the cheapest ticket to Paris he could get, printed it, grabbed his suitcase, the note, and walked out of his apartment. Walking across the hall, he slid the note under Monica's door, turned, and walked to his car. He was ready, as ready as he ever would be, to see Rachel. Ross' brain was numb as he drove to the airport. He seemed to float as he checked his bags, went though security, and handed the attendant his boarding pass. It was then he heard the screams.

"Ross! Ross!" came what he was sure to be his sister's voice.

"Aaaaagh!!" followed another shout which was unmistakable as Phoebe's.

"Dude, wait up!" Chandler and Joey screamed simultaneously.

"Oh, wow, what are you guys doing here?" Ross asked, turning.


End file.
